Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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