That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
