i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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