my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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