when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
