Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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