She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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