Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
