i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
