if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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