Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
