I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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