So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
