I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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