he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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