did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
