I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
