she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
