I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
