I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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