just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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