I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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