The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
