If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
