I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
