I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
