There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
