this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
