so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
