dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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