So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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