"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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