just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
