How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
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he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
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I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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