Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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