Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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