I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
