she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
