Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
