oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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