So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
