sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
