I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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