The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
