this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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