Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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