Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
