Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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