I CAN MOONWALK!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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