Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
