So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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