You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
