Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
