Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
