You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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