I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
