you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
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we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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