I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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