Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
