they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
