there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
