my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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