I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
