at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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