i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can I color on your dick again?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
