nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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