OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
