She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
be right there i have to get my cape
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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