I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
