is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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