Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
