Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
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My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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