You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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