it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
