Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
