just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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